Distinction of Fervor Part 1

The spirited fervor*
Which yanked me about
Out of relations
Stability out
Is unexpectedly
Left my experience
Not my distinction
When truly devout

The fervor would reset
Circumstance flat
Never a gain from which
I could then map
A steady ascension to
Easier life
Fervor objected
Then would re-roll the dice

I'm strong now and solid
At peace with my life
Circumstances don't alter
Contemplation's first wife
Each day a new hand
Is dealt to my soul
Rich with new patterns
To trace over the old.

- I AM EVE IS ONE
via Eve Featherstone

fervor - intense and passionate feeling

NOTE FROM EVE: After a year of of mobility and everything being unsure and susceptible to change, I find myself resting in a new safe and solid state of being. It only happened this week. (Jan 10, 2015) I realized the fervor which I realized had been the primary distinction of my character has gone, and I'm into a game of finesse now, free from the mainstream pressures of finance and guilt.

Repeated downsizing and simplification have brought me to this place. I can live with far less than I ever imagined 10 years ago, but this knowing has opened a portal of bone deep Gnosis which feels safe, solid and it feels also like a platform from which I can build myself a new type of life. A life which unfolds into more and more safety and unexpected beauty.

I will now write a poem which attempts to answer the question "Who or what was the fervor which accompanied me on the first half of my life?" Why did it leave? What did I do to make it go? Did it go of its own accord? Did I simply play all the levels of its game?

Refer to Distinction of Fervor Part 2 for the answers that I will uncover now in real time.